Below you will find players with bonus content for The Scarlet Virgins in the form of podcast episodes. These are all of the current episodes! You can also find these on iTunes, Stitcher, and Google Play.
#1 – Everything Wrong With “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”
Joshua Harris’ famous (or infamous) book, I Kissed Dating Goodbye is a major piece of purity culture’s history. The content of this book is so controversial that many parents and children who grew up in the era this book influenced are still sorting out their thoughts about it! In this episode, Rebecca discusses her current attitude towards the author and respectfully challenges many of his assertions.
#2 – Singleness and Relationships
The vocations of singleness and marriage are ones that can be mishandled by the modern Christian church. Imbalance has come about in thinking about and discussing both vocations, often due to misrepresentation, twisting of scripture, and a lack of empathy. In this episode, Rebecca discusses the importance of viewing the vocations of this life through a holistic mindset and not being caught up in counting the quantity of people in any given vocation.
#3 – Mindset in Marriage
Our assumptions and internalized beliefs about sex can have a negative impact on the intimacy that takes place in marriage, especially when you’ve been raised in legalism or purity culture. In this episode, Rebecca challenges some of the common mindset problems that disrupt healthy sexuality such as the nasty rumor that women aren’t sexual. She also addresses some of the insecurities that crop up for both sexes, like body image issues and previous sexual encounters or assaults.
#4 – Sexpectations
Both purity culture and secular culture set our expectations of sex (or “sexpectations”). While it may be tempting to reduce one view to being right and the other view to being wrong, we must examine both through the truth of scripture and our own consciences. In this episode, Rebecca talks about what both cultures get wrong when it comes to setting sexual expectations, and encourages listeners to nix what they think they know about sex.
#5 – Sex and Love
Secular culture tells us that, before we enter into marriage, we need to “try” each other out sexually. This culture has a large focus on love in connection with sex and attraction. On the flip-side, legalistic purity culture often dictates that marriage is more about obligation, and some facets even claim that love is only a choice as opposed to a feeling. In this episode, Rebecca seeks to unite what each culture gets right about sex and love while dispelling the incorrect and faulty assumptions found on both sides.
#6 – Modesty
Growing up, Rebecca Lemke was taught that modesty was a woman’s issue. She was told that men were visual and didn’t possess self-control, so it was the duty of her and her female friends to keep their male companions on the straight and narrow.
After leaving legalism and purity culture, Rebecca was introduced to the idea that women play no part in loving their male neighbors through their wardrobe. This rhetoric left her thinking: Am I my brother’s keeper?
In this episode, she recounts her experiences with both of these schools of thought and offers her Christ-focused approach as an alternative.
#7 – Pornography and Purity
Secular culture and Christian purity culture both push certain narratives about pornography, but are they correct? In this episode, Rebecca discusses the social scripts on both sides of the spectrum and identifies issues she finds with both. Her belief is that we need a new approach to pornography, one that is truly empowering.
#8 – Brokenness in Jesus
When Rebecca talks about taboo topics that come up in purity culture like mental health and sex, she often hears something along the lines of, “Aren’t you worried what people will think?” In this episode, she challenges the assumption that speaking about something means you are being irreverent and shares the lack of fear she has in talking about brokenness in Jesus.
#9 – Hangups in Marriage After Purity Culture
Many purity culture “graduates” experience hangups when they get married when it comes to their sexual lives and relationship with their spouse. The fear and shame learned from purity culture often leads them to stay silent about their private thought lives and other intimate details that should be freely shared with their spouse. In this episode, Rebecca addresses a few of these hangups and encourages spouses to love one another fully by working together to overcome these hangups.
#10 – Apostasy in Purity Culture
After being raised in legalistic purity culture, Rebecca experienced the loss of many friends walking away from the Christian faith. In this episode, she details her journey in dealing with friends apostatizing and what she has learned to do (and what not to do) when this happens.
#11 – Ladies Who Lust
Growing up in purity culture, Rebecca and her female friends always heard phrases like “men are visual”, “boys will be boys”, etc. These phrases taught that men were perverted sex beasts due to their interest in sex and that women were more prim and proper, and naturally disinterested in sex. In this episode, Rebecca talks about ladies who struggle with lust to let them know they aren’t alone and assures all who struggle that our identity is not found in our failings, but in Christ’s sacrifice!
#12 – Healing Wounds
Legalism in purity culture produces shame, which in turn can cause internalized self-hatred. Addiction, mental health issues, and self-harm are all a result of this internalized self-hatred. In this episode, Rebecca talks about the scars we carry, whether they are physical or mental, and introduces a new way of thinking about our permanent marks. Jesus has scars just like us, and ours serve as a perfect way to point us to Him.
#13 – The Truth About Failed Courtship
When you break off a dating relationship, it hurts. But what happens when you get dumped (by a Dad or otherwise) in courtship? The stakes are the equivalent of a broken engagement, and some would even say a marriage. The pain is excruciating, but if you’ve had a failed courtship, you aren’t alone!
In this episode, Rebecca talks about her own experience with a failed courtship (and her husband’s) and what you can do to heal afterwards.
#14 – What About Masturbation?
Masturbation is a taboo subject, sometimes even in secular culture. But if we never talk about it, we inadvertently add unnecessary shame to the topic. Most of us have learned that the Bible says it is wrong, but what does the Bible actually say about it?
In this episode, Rebecca talks about relevant Scripture on the topic, practical things to consider, and he own thoughts on the matter.
#15 – Bonus Episode: Rebecca with Thomas Umstattd Jr. on KXTW
On 6/23/2017 Rebecca was interviewed by Thomas Umstattd Jr on The Bridge in Austin, TX. Listen here to the audio of there exchange, where they discuss the way legalistic Purity Culture elevates sex and a false idea of “purity,” and buries the Gospel.
#16 – Modesty, Makeup, Jewelry, and more
Is it okay to cut your hair, wear makeup, wear spaghetti straps, and get your ears pierced? It depends on who you ask!
As a child, Rebecca had many friends who were not allowed or afforded even the most basic of grooming and cosmetic choices. In this episode, she discusses coming out of this unique part of modesty and purity culture and the things that have helped her in this journey.
#17 – Men and Purity Culture
“Men can’t be sexually assaulted,” “men are emotionless,” “men are inherently bad because they are sexual,” etc. These are all things Rebecca learned about men through purity culture.
In this episode, she addresses these assumptions and calls out purity culture’s failed promises by pointing out how the side effects of the movement are not unlike the ramifications of a pornography addiction.
#18 – Dysfunctional Childhoods and Their Impact on Relationships
Dysfunctional childhoods often go hand in hand with purity culture. This can cause compounded issues later on it relationships like issues with vulnerability, trust, etc.
#19 – Sexual Suppression
This episode of The Scarlet Virgins Podcast is on sexual suppression after growing up in purity culture and how it has had an impact on myself and my peers.
#20 – Owning Sexuality
Hey guys! This is a podcast episode that has been adapted from my article “How To Get Used To Sex When You’ve Been Raised To Be Ashamed.” If you’ve been raised in purity culture and have trouble owning your own sexuality, this is for you.
#21 – Facing Sexual Dysfunction
If you were raised in purity culture like me, you may have run into some different sexual dysfunctions. Hopefully this podcast will give you some things to think about and comfort in knowing you aren’t alone and your worth is not found in your sexuality.
#22 – Purity Culture and Sexual Band-Aids (BDSM, Rape Fantasy, etc)
I talked about this a little in my book which is linked below, but I have observed a significant amount of people impacted by purity culture being drawn towards BDSM, Rape Fantasy, and other things that I would classify as sexual band-aids given the circumstances.
#23 – What Changing My Hair Taught Me About Modesty and Body Image
#24 – Pros and Cons of No-Touch Courtship
No-Touch courtship is a concept that is very popular in Conservative homeschooling circles. It has been made popular by famous families like the Duggars and glamorized to a certain degree that it may not deserve.
In this podcast episode of The Scarlet Virgins, Rebecca discusses the pros and cons of no-touch courtship.
#25 – Interview with the author of “Sexy” – Dr. Jeff Mallinson
In this episode, recorded live in California at Professor Mallinson’s home, Rebecca interviews the author of the book “Sexy” about finding erotic virtue in perplexing times.
Among the things discussed: the “sin of Onan,” Prostitution, Sexual Assault, Victim Blaming, Hollywood, and Christian Sexual Ethics.
I think you guys are really going to love this interview with Jeff! If you’d like to hear more from him check out his work on virtueinthewasteland.com, and look up his book “Sexy” on Amazon.
#26 – Discernment in Recovery Groups
For folks who are recovering from childhood abuses (legalism, physical abuse, cults, etc), recovery groups seem like a good resource for recovery. But are some recovery groups worse for you than the thing you were originally recovering from (or at least compounding the trauma)? Kicking wounded people while they are down?
In this podcast episode of The Scarlet Virgins, Rebecca shares her thoughts on why we need to use discernment when it comes to these kinds of communities.
#27 – 10 Tips for Dealing with a Sexually Frigid Spouse
Purity culture often reinforces frigid behaviors that already are impressed upon women when it comes to sex. This leads many spouses to confusion and sexual frustration.
In this podcast episode of The Scarlet Virgins, Rebecca offers 10 Tips for Dealing with a Sexually Frigid Spouse.
#28 – Why You Shouldn’t “Fake It”
If you’ve been raised in purity culture, sex can be incredibly frustrating and you may be tempted to fake an orgasm to make your spouse happy…but don’t!
In this episode of The Scarlet Virgins Podcast, Rebecca discusses why it isn’t a good idea to “fake it” in your sexual relationship with your spouse.
#29 – Interview With A Sexual Assault Prevention Educator
In this episode, Rebecca interviews Nikki Penwell, a sexual assault prevention educator.
#30 – “Why I Didn’t Rebel” – Interview with Rebecca Lindenbach
In this episode, Rebecca Lemke interviews Rebecca Lindenbach on her recently released book “Why I Didn’t Rebel.”
They discuss the definition of rebellion, spanking, mental health, etc. Lindenbach’s book is a wonderful resource for both evaluating your childhood and starting a conversation on how you would like to parent.
Extra note: Due to the sensitive nature of topics like spanking and single parenthood addressed in this podcast episode, please be advised that it is not our intent to be inflammatory or derogatory in the conversation, but to approach it from our separate backgrounds and experiences and to offer a cross-cultural perspective.
#31 – Counter Purity Movement: Trading One Dysfunction for Another ft. Justin Megna
In this groundbreaking episode, Rebecca Lemke interviews Justin Megna about a topic no one else has touched: the “Counter Purity Movement.”
The Counter Purity Movement is a phrase they have coined for the scorched-earth social landscape some trod following purity culture, which includes outright hedonism, abuse within recovery communities, and versions of Christianity manipulated to be more sexually permissive.
Justin and Rebecca discuss purity culture, the Counter Purity Movement, and some of the ways in which these cultures are two sides of the same coin. They talk about their own – sometimes painful – journeys in finding their way to a healthy, holistic approach to life, love, and Christianity.
They are in complete agreement that Jesus Christ should our all-in-all and any path that leads away from him, whether hyper-legalistic or licentious, should be rejected.
#32 – 10 Self-Care Tips for the Loved Ones of The Suicidal
Self-care is extremely important for anyone working to support someone through their mental health journey. I’m quite fond of the analogy of a plane crash where, in order to help others, you must first put on your own oxygen mask.
This concept underlies all of my self-care tips for those who find themselves on the end of working diligently to prevent a suicide attempt. You can read a version of this content here: http://wp.me/p6ZIkM-vW
The Suicide Prevention Lifeline, there is a chat and a number to call: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
The wonderful woman I mentioned in the video, I think you all would like her book, “Beyond the Darkness” – here is an interview she has done so you can see what she is about: http://horizonselfdiscovery.com/interview-angie-fenimore/ Her website can be found here: http://www.angiefenimore.com/
SafeTALK Training: https://www.livingworks.net/training-and-trainers/find-a-training-workshop/
Please be advised this podcast episode is adapted from a YouTube video I put out in September of 2017. As such, it does not have my normal verbal opening or close and there is reference to the fact that it is a video. I don’t know why, but I felt a pull to use this audio from the YouTube channel this week. I hope it is helpful.
#33 – “I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye”: An interview with filmmaker Jessica Wyngaard
In this episode, Rebecca interviews the director of I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye, Jessica Wyngaard.
They chat about how Jessica met Joshua Harris, how she deal with her emotions towards his book, her upcoming documentary, and women’s vocations.
The documentary website:
The Scarlet Virgins Episode #34 – Interview on Law and Gospel with Eric Brown
In this episode, Rebecca interviews her childhood Pastor from the small town LCMS congregation she attended for 18 years.
The discussion includes: Defining Law and Gospel, the three functions of the Law, balancing Law and Gospel, and answering the questions below.
What is a young person to do in the face of their friend’s promiscuity?
Do you, as a pastor, regret any of your earlier teachings? Have they stayed consisted throughout your ministry?
The book of Revelation being abused (think #raptureanxiety)
What does a congregant do if their church is going down a bad, perhaps legalist, road?
What did you think of the application of Law and Gospel in Rachael Denhollander’s case?
How do you determine how a person needs to hear more Law or Gospel? Is there a process or is it mostly just a feeling and experience? How do you ensure the Gospel predominates, as Walther says it must?
Some words for those who are spiritually homeless (those who do not have a church)
Did you ever notice I was being exposed and slipping into legalism?
Do you have any funny stories of me as a child?
(Featuring what happens when you forget your Latin book in Pastor’s class.)
Articles of Pastor Brown’s to read: